Social gatherings – and why I completely despise them. And when I say completely I mean completely. Every single part of it. From the very moment when we set the tie and date, through the welcoming, and eating dinner and saying farewell.
Today, and in fact right now, as I write this, the house warming party has commenced. Currently the ‘adults adults of the family’ are sitting in the kitchen/dining room and chatting. Now because the main purpose of this unfortunate gathering is that my family has bought an apartment, the main topic of the conversation is housing, building -DIY style and shit like that.
In a second I will be dragged out by my mother to the living room where a separate eating space has been prepared for the ‘young adults’. The reason why I know that is because it already happened – I had to stop writing thus bringing me into the future. So it was fine. I mean I’m sick and literally want to die – which gives me some sort of an excuse to exit the social crowd, but if I wouldn’t be I don’t think that it would be so ‘fine’.
Let me explain why. In this exact case where I am sick and do not have to spend my precious time on talking to the people that I’m particularly not so fond of, the guest have arrived while I was asleep. Or so they thought. You see when it comes to such situations I’m so freaked out by them, that obviously – I choose the wrong way out. And since it was convenient at the time to pretend being asleep – I did so. And five minutes later I regretted it as much as you could regret something. Oh, wait no. That is a lie.
Because about five minutes after that I did something that made me want to fall beneath the earth. Like I mean the inner core of the inner core of the inner core of the earth.
I decided that to give an appearance of a sociable person. I will go up and say hello. And I must say that with the ‘adults adults’ it went quite well. However, after a motivational talk to the mirror in the bathroom, I decided to be brave and go to the young adults. Where I presume my brain froze or got a panic attack because these are the exact words I used, “Hi, I just wanted to say hi ….. so hi…. hi ..,” shot a finger gun at them and walked out.
Like, I honestly think that I am the bravest person on this planet after walking into that living room after doing that. Honestly maybe they even blamed it on the sickness. But they pretended like I was normal. So, this is what made it fine.
So, back to the now.
I’m sitting – locked in my room. I can hear full on conversations and I honestly am dreading putting the headphones so far away from my bed. Now, I will probably go and get them and listen to some heavy rock music just to calm my anxiety that in a minute they will barge in and destroy the perfect barrier that I have created.