Its almost unavoidable to have a secret in your life. If you have that one true friend that you tell everything to, then you’re one lucky son of a bitch.
But even then you are doomed to hide something from someone. Whether it means to hide it for an hour, a week , a year or forever.
And it’s sad. Because that’s the unfortunate world that we live in today. Where people hide different parts of themselves to different people just for the most bizarre cultures of fitting in.
Or … Not hurting someone … Or … Yourself.
And I am unfortunately a part of that. I hide my innocence to one friend, while my dirty side to my family and the rest of friends. I talk about boys with only one friend and when I mention them to the others I always regret it. Either their too conservative or their a guy … And for those who don’t know that is the one topic you don’t mention to guys.
I actually don’t get it, their too jelous.
But anyway this is not the point of this post. The point is that we hide things. And whether we do it to our friends and family we also do it to our colleagues and people we have a crush on.
Yes, my dear friends I – the person who falls for an Internet sensation – have a real life crush. And might I say that this time its not my friends fault … entirely.
But the problem is that I recently discovered that beacuse all my life it was me hiding things from other people and them telling me shit I barely know how to say hi.
So how can I let Mr. Gentleman know but also not know. Because what if he things I’m weird.
But as the incredibly smart human being that I am, I have came up with a solution.
I will become asexual. Then there will be no way for me to have crushes and to ultimately feel horrible with myself.
But having a crush is what I suppose every girl hides. At least at the beginning.
But what else does she hide?
She hides the million thoughts that run through her messed up mind.
She hides her stomach ache and her head ache and her back pain just to not seem moany. And to appear strong. And so that her friend wouldn’t have to do the work. Beacsue that’s just the way she is – it’s okay to use her.
She hides every single tear and sad thought. Deep – deeper then possible – because people don’t like sad people. And at least if she will be happy no one will ask questions. Thus she lies. Lies every time a costumer asks her how she is. Lies every time her family asks. There is only one person that she will talk to. Only one.
She hides her fear. And her dreams. Beacuse they are the things that make her weak. And if someone will see that, they will use it against her. And technically it’s okay. She’s allowed to be hurt by others. That’s her mission in life. But if she seems strong, they will have to fight for it.
She hides the reasons why she is happy. Beacsue happy means stupid. And stupid people don’t deserve anything. She knows that. So she hides it. Lives in an illusion that the 475 points in leaving cert guarantees her “clue”.
But lastly – most of all – she hides herself from the world. Because that’s what her parents did. They hid her from the world…