Lonely. 

He came into the lecture hall exactly at exactly 14:31. He was 29 minutes early. But it was okay. He liked it. It was calming. He sometimes dared to put up his legs on top of the desks. 

But not today. Today the place was abandoned. Not empty. 

The lights were off. Few pieces of rubbish here and there, revealed underneath the moon light that came in through the roof. The heating was broken. He suspected that he would freeze to death during the two hours, if no one else showed up. 

One time that happened. He was the only one that came in. Even the lecturer didn’t show up. Perhaps it was because of the college party the day before. Everyone always went. 

Except for him.

It was eerily quiet. The only noise came from the flickering exit sign. That seemed to speed up all of a sudden. 

It didn’t handle it and after a little lightning the sign burst into pieces. 

The doors shut tight. 

Before he was able to realise what’s going on all the chairs started ripping themselves from the metal frames. The screws were rising, floating in the air like little stars. The rolling up counter tops pushed him further back into his seat which was shaking like a wild bull.

He got up and realised that the room was floating around him. The counter tops dancing on the walls, the chairs floating around him as if trying to show him off. And when the lights started to flicker and hilight the most beautiful corners of the chairs, tables, walls and himself. He wasn’t afraid anymore. 

The room became alive for him.

For once he wasn’t lonely.

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The Dark Angels.

19.

Her lips were rosy. A little chopped. The mint of her green eyes perfectly covered under the blue contacts. 

It looked wrong.

It was wrong.

She didn’t understand. They told her she needed to bleach her hair. But they tricked her because now she was going bald. 

They told her she needs to be less. 

Her fingers shook. Spit on her freckled cheek – but you couldn’t see the freckles. Make up dripping into the toilet. Her stomach felt just like the time she got beat up. 

Her father was trying to call her. She was supposed to be at home now. But the phone now rang in somebody’s else’s pocket. 

At least hers was pretty now. Fashionable.

They told her she must fit in. She let herself be kissed. She felt dirty.

She was.

But she had to. They told her to. She didn’t have a choice. They would take her otherwise. She didn’t want to go. 

And they tried. 

Tried to let her stay.

But she was too important to them.

Her legs were too weak to pick her up from the floor. But how was she supposed to satisfy them? They wanted her. She understood.

They “did it all to spden her from the awful things in life that come”. 

They gave her strength. Just enough to go into the pharmacy. They must’ve loved her. 

No. 

They love her. Always have and always will. They’re the only thing she has. 

They “never ment no harm”. And so they “hold her”. Wrapped around her like a safety blanket that she desired. 

She took the sixteenth pill and she was finally free. Now she could live happily ever after.

With them.

The dark angels.

Aurora – The Murder Song.

The things we don’t say.

Selena Gomez – Hit the lights.

Isn’t it funny how we mostly regret not the things that we said but the things we didn’t say?

Think about it…

When was the last time you were not texting a friend -a close friend. A friend that you would tell EVERYTHING to. Including the fact that you have corn in your poop.

Actually, just because you mentioned it… I do not have any corn in my poop. Although I didn’t check. But I’m pretty sure so you can stop worrying now. 😊

-Kamila you have just reached a new level of pathetic. 

What? I thought we were foremce?!

ANYWAY

I am certain that in the last monety you wrote something that required you to think, “But maybe I shouldn’t. We’re not that close. Yeah I’ll just say ‘sleep tight sleepy head’. WAIT but kant that too little ? I mean I really want us to be friends and want to show him myself. But what if he thinks that I’m into him??? Omg !! Im just gonna sand ‘goodnight’ that will be politically correct.” 

Oh and don’t you dare say that you never thought like that. I think its just in our human nature. Overthinking, is what I believe, destroying us. And yes in some cases its better to shut up. I get that. But how many times did you walk away because you were to scared to talk to someone you liked. Or thought that it was inappropriate. 

And don’t you think it’s sad? 

And I don’t mean sick puppy sad. Because just the thought of that gives me tears.

Thank you. 

 Like me,  yesterday evening I was thinking for about half and hour before I send a text. Of course it wasn’t to my friend. And it wasn’t to an internet sensation. 

It was to Mr.Gentelman. And I know I know I’m not supposed to talk about that. But it lasted for 4 texts – ALLTOGETHER – so can you really count it?As my aliby, I was under the influence of alcohol(one Heineken). But every time(bar the first text) I regretted sending the text. I always had a great response and instead went for something plane and simple just to avoid him thinking that I like him. I was so stressed out that he might find out that I literally was holding myself back. 

And don’t you think that’s scary?

We’re always trying to fit in. Even in a stupid thing like a text. 

My brother overthinks 85% of his messages to his BEST FRIEND!! 

I had trouble sending a text warning people about a thief going around!!. 

And please don’t tell me that I’m the only fucked up person in this room. You are just as much human as I. Unless your a robot … Then 

Tick this box to prove it ₪[]

😂seee what I did there?????

Ugh by the way I don’t get why a robot wouldnt be able to tick a fudging box. 

Oh, and it was actually good that I texted him because I found out that I need to never do that again. This is because I don’t understand the Guy. Like what is “sound out” supposed to mean?? 

Okay enough chatter – stop worrying and text what you want to text. It’s a free world right? 

Year.

The song– The lord of the rings: The fellowship of the Ring.

Today is a year – to the day – when I started wrting this horrible bullshit about my life.

YEYEYEYEYEYEYEYYEYEYEYEYEYYEYEYEYEYEYEYEY!!!!!!!

Let’s see how I’ve done. What progress have I made?

Well I started with zero words, zero followers and 1 massive ambition / idea.

Now I have, an X amount of words – I suppose it’s a rather large amount.

I have lured in 53 followers – which is more than I have on Instagram and Twitter combined. (I just want to get a quick thank you to all who follow me. It seriously means the world to me.) Ps my twitter is @undecidedK soooooo ADD ME !!!

giphy

giphy (1)

Hmm what else??

A new Gif addiction.

A LOT less time to watch movies and shizzz.

AND most importantly too much new content that I am looking forward to sharing with you guys, because let’s think about it by now I have quit college already a year ago, and this year today I have paid the rest of my college fees.  Which means I’m in. With my full heart and soul. And hopefully I can keep this up for another year and hopefully I can fill these pages with stories (not only about boys – as I did for the past year but with stories about college, friends, happy and sad moments, memories that I haven’t yet shared with you and maybe even a little fiction as well as non-fiction about my opinions about topics that I have no clue about.

Because friends, all I want, is for you to smile once in a while – especially when your having a crappy day and I’m having a crappy day, we can laugh and cry together.

BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT REAL FRIENDS DO!

But I decided to change things up a bit so now (maybe not every time but mostly) I will put a link to a song which you should listen to while reading this. And you will always find it on the very top.

Including today ^^.

 

Cafeteria. 

Did you ever see the Gladiator? 

And if not did you ever see a bunch of birds fighting for that tiny piece of bread in the middle of the street?

Yeahhh… 

That’s our cafeteria.

Blood bath with hair pulling, food being thrown in defence or grabbed as a source of energy. People racing, as for a drop of water on a desert, to get a place to sit. Chatter so loud that it reenacts every single politicians party discussing the country’s matters. 

Not even gonna mention the overpriced food!

Yeah I know!

Okay, maybe that’s a little exaggeration.

A little. 

Because everyting I said probably happened just not during the time we’re there. But ! That’s because we’re there in an odd hour. Not! During lunch. 

And this makes me wonder. 

Is every cafeteria like that?

I remember when I was back in secondary (and for all you Americans- high school), it literally was the same. Except there everyone wanted to get the cool tables. And we were wearing uniforms. And it was in a confined environment. And we were throwen out as soon as we finished our food. 

Hmm so I guess it was exactly the same.

The cool tables were wooden and they always fell apart. Plus to sit normally at them you had to be in trousers (if a girl) and good at gymnastics. Beacause it literally looked like a disabled person was trying to make a tumble, when you sat at them. 

And if you didn’t get the cool table then you sat at normal ones – with normal uncomfortable chairs. 

… Maybe the cool tables were cool because the other ones were boring…

I don’t know…

Anyway.. 

Every single break, the annoying second years would sit beside us and we would always want to strangle ourselfs and them by the end of lunch. 

They would always yap about bullshit that no one cared about. And were way to loud. Like if they wanted to announce all their “secrets” they should’ve stood at the top and scream it into the microphone – not our poor ears. I am 100% that my shitty hearing is entirely their fault.

Not to mention every awkward silence and horrible choice of forced games. Serioulsy we could name the tables, our one would be called “CRINGE”. 

And in our cafeteria there were teachers. Which always stood at the side or top of the area and stood there gawking at us. Like perverts. Eww. 

Now that I think about it though our spot was pretty good beacsue usually we were able to hide with our phones quite easily. Not like the people at the cool tables. Plus if we were copying h/w from each other, at the cool tables it was just a matter of time before we would’ve got cought. While on the crappy tables where most of gossip was told, we were free as outside the school gates.

Nearly. 

But now that I am an “adult” and go to real college I can use my phone whenever I want so that ain’t a problem anymore. Right?

Nah ah!!

Because now it’s the creepy nosy stalkers that sit around me that don’t let me search up Barbie games. Not teachers. 

Just kidding I don’t actually play Barbie.

… I AM AN ADULT!

Soo.. What was your cafeteria like? 😃