The Angels. 

Don’t you remember when you were six years old you had a friend? Her name was Molly. She stole your lolly pops and pulled your hair. 

And you over there. 

– Who ? Me ? 

Yes. You. Do you remember the boy that treated you like a toy two years ago? The one that you wish you never trusted? 

And sir. Exucse me.

– Yes ?

Do you remember all those years, and all the pain and tears, and your fathers hand that coused it? 

We all have at least one person in our lives that we wish we would never have encountered. A person that creeps into our minds like an ant. Its so small yet causes the most enormous discomfort and in some cases pain in our confused minds. 

It’s a person that will never disappear, not completely. 

And it’s okay. 

But do you remember the girl, Annie was her name. She helped you tie your shoe on the school trip you were so afraid of.

And you, do you remember the girl who was always there, always by your side. When you were falling apart it was her who picked you up. Remember that?

And you sir. Do you remember your brother fighted for you? When you weren’t able to stand the pain no longer, he took the beatings. He was the one that ended up in the hospital. When it should’ve been you. 

You see we also have that one person who did something good for us. Helped us when we needed it. And maybe we don’t know that person anymore. However, it doesn’t erase their good deeds.

But why is it easier for us to forget the good and remember the ugly? 

Don’t you think it’s time for a change? 

A time that we remember the good and forget the ugly?

A time for us to get rid of the last horrible memories. The ones that bring pain and hide laughter. The ones destract us from the people who are there for us when we need it and when we don’t.

Think about the person who you can talk to about anything. And if you don’t have a person like that think about the person who is the closest to you. Who you cherish everytime you see. It can be you doughter, father, that one costumer who always has something to say or you neighbour who brought you soup after your car crash. 

Think about the person who makes you laugh. Who even when totally annoying is able to make your day from horrible to amazing. Who will give you food .. Or a chair when you need it most. 

And don’t think about the people you don’t have. Maybe it’s harsh but deal with it. It’s not the end of the world if they don’t want to be in your life, then it’s their loss. Not yours. Beacause you my dear friends deserve better. And if you are dreaming about a particular person, maybe they exist and maybe one day they’ll walk onto your path, but what’s the point to get upset about someone who you do not know? Its pointless.

You deserve that person that you spend most of your life with. Or that you met three days in a coffee shop but you feel like your soul mates. Or the one you work with that always no matter what will give you a hand. 

So the next time you are thinking of something sad, especially if it’s something triggered by that thought about the demons, throw it out of your brain immiediately.

And think about your angels.
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Ps. Picture not mine. Borrowed from Google.

Please don’t love me.

Why is it that every time I think I have a chance for a friend he always has to fuck everything up by coming out with the L-word. 

To all the guys out there it’s okay to ruin a friendship when you actually have a chance to be with your girl. 

But it’s most definitely not if you don’t.

So if you do have a friend. And if you live 2000 km away from each other, but you still think that she would be perfect for you, don’t.

Don’t ruin it. 

Swallow your thoughts. 

Please.

😢
UPDATE: Thank you …

Two more kg.

How do you feel after eating?

Great? Full? Bad? Happy? Confused? Worried? Thrilled?

And do you wait until your super hungry to eat? Or do you eat whenever you need to or when you are forced to?

And what do you do after eating? Sit down and relax? Go puke it out? Exercise? Cry?

Well let me tell you that you’re not the only one doing whatever your doing. I am not going to act like I ever had major problems with eating. That’s not right nor is there much point to it. However, I do see myself looking at food lately and thinking about my hips and then refusing to eat. Now because I love food it’s hard for me to be strong about it. But I have those days when I feel particularly strong and last without food or ages.

So does this means that I’m slowly going downhill ? Or should I think about it more as a hiccup? 

After all what can a little rumbling in the stumoch do …

When she is sad…

She smiles.

She sings.

She cheers people on. 

She doesn’t moan.

She lets people feel smart around her.

She thinks positive for others.

She talks to people. About them.

She listens.

She is there for people even when she can’t handle her own sorrow.

She makes stupid decisions just to create even the tiniest of smiles on your face.

She makes sure you’re okay.

She looks happy.

She is happy…

Right?

King Artur. 

Imagine you have muscles. And please don’t lie to yourself that you actually do… We all know the truth.

Now imagine that you are a very manly man. Boys once again, don’t kid yourself.

Now imagine that you became a soldier, went to Vietnam, came back studied physical education or physical therapy (sorry I don’t remember which), and now you ended up working in a grocery store.

That is Arthur.

What would you do in his place? How would you be? 

Well, I personally am scared of a butterfly… So Arthur defiantly goes into the same group. I.e. things that scare me.

But he is a lovely man. Seriously. He gave me lifts home. He helped me with a customer and at the till when I needed it. He makes me feel so relaxed at work because I know no harm will come from the outside of the shop. 

But will I stay alive inside is another story. 

He is smart. And that is okay. I pretty much only hang out with smart people. I don’t have a problem with being dipsy and unknowable around them. But being cocky about your intelligence is not cool. Even – especially if you’re ex-soldier. 

And honestly I didn’t see it that way before. Not until my friend at work realised it too. After working with him a lot more than 6h per week. 

And I mean there were times where I thought he was wrong. But obviously I would never even think about daring. 

So, in your opinion do you think that if he is putting himself on a pedestal that no one can reach – and its not because we’re all midgets at work(hmm although now that I think about it there is only three tall people there) but because he thinks he is better than everyone else. 

But then on the other side he always helps me. Gives out to me and helps me again. So maybe he is just honest?

Although he is terrible at parking his car. But then again, however awkward those lifts were, they were awesome because he has a BMW and he actually uses the engine. I can’t describe how much I love speeding. 

So maybe I’m exaggerating ?

-Well done Kamila- you’re a genius! 

Ha ha thank you for your support. 

Okay then. Let King Arthur be King Arthur.

For now.

Touch.

I don’t fully understand what it is. Or why. But I love the touch of another human being. 

Begining with a brush of the fingertips when handing something over, through the handshakes and the light brushes of shoulders to proper hugs. 

– “Kamila you just admitted to being a creep and a pervert. Stay the F away from us.”

G thanks. No, I am not a pervert. Maybe I am – no – I was a little creepy with my secondary crush … But people change. 

– “😂😂😂 please. Are you listening to yourself?”

Umm yes. Oh for God’s sake. I’m not a creep. 

-“Kamila.” 

Fine I’m a little bit. But that’s a secret. So don’t tell anyone. I know where you live. 😁

Back to the topic. Even though I feel extreamly awkward hugging people. I like to do it. The only thing that’s stops me from doing it is that I feel like it’s too “out there”. But if anyone offers me a hug I’ll take it gladly. Unless your a boy … And I’m afraid of you… 

But all in all, the point is that I need human touch. And what’s scary I’m missing it a lot. It’s not that I never had it. Beacuse I probably had more of it over my life then most people my age. However, as good as my mums or dad’s hugs are, they are simply not enough anymore. 

What I am desiring is the butterflies. The warmth of someone not related to me. The new scent coming off their shoulders. The unease. Tension. The strenght. The safety in an unknowen. 

But how can this happen when your feelings are closed in a box. Deep deep somewhere in the ocean, underneath all the gue and fish poop. And the key is lost. 

– “Kamila, but your forgetting something.”

Yes?

-“Mr gentleman.”

😁